While I was feeling such a mess, I thought you’d leave me behind.
While I was feeling so upset, I thought the sun never shine.
Then I found Forever
-Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him traveling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love."
(Source: jessroz, via pardonme)
Was left solo seeing this red posted in representation,
Of illusion, deceit covered up in our nation.
A vivid red piercing my iris,
Choke holding my pulse.
Yes, you were grey spitting out pregnant words.
Now you’re a ghost.
Valentines, me?
It’s chewed and liquified.
Swallowed.
It’s soaked and heavy with anguish
Cause of feelings bred from false language.
Is Pinot a bleach?
What a thought,
How outrageous.
No, its a detergent,
Turning wet ice into blistering heat.
Sanding down your file.
That catalyst .
Leaving me bare boned, naked for a prey’s meat.
Its not like me to get lost in denial.
So I claim you memory.
Toy.
Toy-er.
Toying with my last november,
My early december.
So, when can I let it go?
God,
if only you knew what I saw in this winter’s snow.
I made my way to a Sunday flea market in New Jersey. There’s something magical about the concept of a flea market. I always go soaked in this belief that a heavenly light may illuminate a beautiful discovery. “How have I lived this long without this treasure?” I’ll ask myself, “How have I managed to navigate through life’s treacheries sans this beauty?” Truth be told, I almost never find something worth buying. Regardless, I never leave disappointed. I leave hopeful for there is another Sunday to come. There’s always next Sunday. Today was different though. I actually ended up finding something today. I came upo this leather watch with a strap that resembles cognac snake skin, a white dial with gold hands and a date window that rotates an image of the sunny day or the navy night sky filled with golden stars.
I paid $5 for it and it was once I left the vendor that I realized I could have bargained with her. Despite that thought, I was pleased with my purchase. I look at the watch now and find so much relation to it. There’s something comforting about it to me. This elegant and interesting piece of jewelry was left in the beating sun to be eventually bought by me, some lost girl waiting to be found by anything. I guess finding this watch, in some odd way, makes me feel like I’ll be found too.
